Issue 36  November 18th 2025

What Will People Say? Why Being a South Asian Creator Is Hard

Today, Tharshan Raj is a successful actor-writer-producer, but his journey began far from the stage. He immigrated with his family to North York in Toronto from Sri Lanka. Acting and performing for others is how he learned to speak English, and fit in.

"When I came to this country, I barely knew English. So acting became a way for me to get in front of people and be heard."

Dreams vs. Family Expectations

Like so many immigrant kids, Raj’s dream collided with family expectations. When he told his mother he wanted to pursue acting, she made him feel guilty.

”Do you want to go and dance on the street, begging for money? I won’t say anything to you, but just think about what your uncles and aunties, what our family and friends, will say.”

"What Will People Say?" — The Unspoken Rule

In many South Asian families, “What will people say?” isn't just a question that children hear. It's a part of who you are and need to be while growing up from a young age.

From what you wear, to your career choice, to who you date and marry, the family and community reputation overrides what the children want. Important life decisions are made by the family collectively around the dinner table, not individually. In Canada, the safe, secure, and stable path is often emphasized—something many immigrants may not have had access to back home. Careers like doctor, engineer, lawyer, teacher, or accountant are widely respected and seen as prestigious, while pursuing the arts or other creative fields is often viewed as foolish or naive.

Following the "Right" Way: Obedience and Duty

Sahaj Kaur Kohli, author of "But What Will People Say?" and founder of Brown Girl Therapy, describes the unspoken rules in South Asian families:

”There is a 'right' way, a 'right' time, and a 'right' order when it comes to living life. We are expected to obey our parents and elders, listen to their advice, and follow the paths they lay out for us..."

Guilt vs. Shame: The Emotional Costs:

Obedience and duty to family isn’t only about respecting one's elders. It’s also about love and protecting your children from a world that isn’t always kind to outsiders and immigrants. When the kids push back, shame and guilt are used to pull them back and conform. Kohli explains the difference and why shame is worse than guilt:

”Guilt says ‘I did something bad’. Shame says ‘I am bad.’”

Guilt is about behaviours and actions, and is redeeming because we have the ability to change, and repair it and move forward. Shame damages a person’s sense of self and makes the family want to hide and withdraw from the community. The 'bad' action taken by a family member negatively impacts the family's reputation.

Straddling Two Worlds: Bicultural Identity

This struggle that is seen so often in immigrant families is what psychologists call “bicultural identity straddling”. It's about living with one foot in two worlds. As Kohli puts it:

”Many of us are walking a tightrope, trying to steady ourselves so as not to get devoured by the abyss below.”

It's why so many immigrant kids feel like they’re acting—different at home, and different with friends. For South Asians, it often means feeling 'not Indian enough' or 'not Canadian enough'.

Toronto Fringe debut: Sri Lankan cast tackles family pressure and stigma

This pressure from straddling two cultures got real recently for a group of Tamil Sri Lankan Canadian actors from the Toronto area. Tharshan Raj and his childhood friend, Mayurathan (Mayo) Thevathas, co-created a bold new play called PORNSTAR(i). It got selected and had its debut at the 2025 Toronto Fringe Festival. As soon as they finalized an all-Sri Lankan cast, everyone faced the same questions about how their children’s choices would affect the family and community reputation. Concerned family members asked,

“Is it the right decision to act in a play called ‘Pornstar’?” and of course, “What will people say?”

PORNSTAR(i) is a drama-comedy that flips the script: a traditional South Asian family discovers their son’s secret career in adult film. At its core, the play uses comedy scenes and family confrontations to talk about the suffocating pressure to follow a “respectable” career path, and the double lives children of immigrants end up living. One life is focused on self-expression, the other on family and community expectations.

Raj, who plays the main character Ari, knows this struggle first-hand. He didn’t study acting. Instead he rationalized a more “acceptable” path:

“I’m not going to get any support from my family if I pursue acting... I’ll do what they want—get a degree, find a steady job—and I’ll chase my passion on the side. I’ll keep my head down, make them proud on paper, and quietly keep working toward what I really want.”

Raj started out in criminology at the University of Guelph-Humber but dropped out almost immediately because he didn't like it. What followed was a constant stream of lectures about shame and family honour from his parents and uncles. Raj remembers his frustration:

"I'm going to go to [Toronto Metropolitan University] and just get a degree for the sake of it, so I don't have to hear these lectures anymore. So I chose public administration, got the degree, and then I was like, okay, now I can just do whatever I want."

Before graduating, Raj launched a YouTube channel, Basement Reels with fellow creative, Krusan Siva. They create comedy sketches and personal stories that over time gained millions of views and nearly 100,000 subscribers. While working various precarious jobs to pay the bills, he also produced short films for festivals and collaborated with other South Asian artists in Toronto, quietly building his creative career on the side. More recently, Raj studied at Second City and Toronto Acting Studios.

Co-writer and director Mayo Thevathas took a more strategic path, wanting to balance family expectations with his own creative ambitions. For him, freedom started with practicality:

"A big thing for me is freedom. I found freedom through stability. So I would get a job, and move out. That was the first priority."

He became an engineer, ticking all the boxes for his parents, while still nurturing his creative passions on the side.

"I work as an engineer, so I'm very much in the stable path. And on the side, I do a lot of creative stuff. I do photography, videography, and also acting and writing."

For Thevathas, learning was important which he could do in both worlds. His parents see the engineer. His close friends see the creative. The two worlds remain separate. Watching his long-time friend, Raj fully commit to creative work has inspired Thevathas:

"He [Raj] really stuck to it. It gives me the confidence to be like, OK, maybe I can divert from stability and take a few risks now."

While the journey and move past the messy middle is laden with challenges and disappointments, Raj and Thevathas show us that through small wins and successes, that you can pursue your dream, and be a successful fulfilled creative. It gets easier when you find other people who support you unconditionally and you decide to do more of what you want to do.

Creative Industry Still Shuts Out Diverse Young Talent*

Parental Doubts About Creative Careers: If your creative dreams have ever been dismissed by a parent, you’re not alone. A 2024 study by Netflix and the UK’s National Youth Theatre found that nearly three out of four young people (ages 16-25) in creative fields say their parents think they’re wasting their education. Among working-class families, 89% said they wouldn’t want their kids to pursue a creative path due to concerns about stability, pay, and predictability.

Systemic Barriers in the Arts for Racialized Youth: But even as more young people push for creative careers, the arts still have barriers, especially for racialized creatives. The 2022 Canadian “Diversity on Screen” report found that Black, Asian, and South Asian artists face lower representation, pay gaps, and underemployment. On screen, they make up less than 9% of roles—8.5% at CBC and Citytv, and 8.8% at Global TV. The report calls for real change: more safe, inclusive spaces, targeted funding for racialized creators, and support to help companies scale up instead of hustling project to project.

For many young people of colour, the creative path is a lonely and difficult one due to lack of support from both the industry and family.